Attending a Jewish Funeral 

    We often get phone calls from individuals planning to attend the funeral of a friend but they are not sure what to expect when attending a Jewish funeral.  Basically, a Jewish funeral is the same as any other funeral you have attended in the past.  The main differences you will notice are the use of Hebrew, a closed casket and few, if any flowers.  The remainder of this page will specifically address the customs surrounding the traditions involved in Jewish services.  Don't become overwhelmed and fearful of offending another person in attendance.  Just remember, with a few exceptions, this funeral will be similar to any other funeral service.  

    Something to keep in mind is whether the funeral will be Orthodox, Conservative or Reform.  Most of the guidelines below apply to an Orthodox service.  The easiest thing to do is to ask the family or call us to find out what will be appropriate.  The items highlighted in green apply to all Jewish funerals; the rest applies primarily to Conservative and Orthodox funerals.

 

A basic overview of Jewish beliefs and traditions surrounding death 

*  Funerals should take place as soon as possible after a person has died, often one or two days after death.  

*  Jewish law considers attending a funeral and burial to be a mitzvah or “religious obligation.” Family and friends attending a funeral should avoid   ostentatious dress or behavior.

* Flowers are normally not sent, for the following reasons:  
     ° Simplicity - The tradition in Judaism is to keep funerals as simple as possible, to make everyone equal in death.
    ° Tradition - Although flowers are not prohibited, the custom arose over time of not sending flowers, and making contributions instead. In ancient days, the Talmud informs us, fragrant flowers and spices were used at the funeral to offset the odor of the decaying body. Today, this is no longer essential and thus, many Jews do not use them at Jewish funerals at all. Most feel it is much better to honor the deceased by making a contribution to a synagogue or hospital, or to a medical research association for the disease which afflicted the deceased. 

*  At the funeral, an article of clothing is torn by the immediate family.  This is called Kriah.  It is usually a lapel of a dress or shirt, a tie or sometimes a black ribbon that is placed over the heart.

 * A holy society (the Chevra Kaddish) cleans and bathes the body, performing a ritual of pouring water over the body (called Tahara) and dressing the body in the shroud (Tachrichim).     

* The body is clothed in a white linen shroud and not street clothes.  Shrouds are sewn without knots, and are a multiple piece garment. In earlier times,   the sisterhoods or women's auxiliaries used to make shrouds for their community; this practice may still occur in traditional communities. Today,   virtually all (Jewish) funeral homes carry shrouds.  This is done because of a rabbinic decree of around 1800 years ago. People were spending more than they could afford on funeral expenses because no one wanted to show the deceased, typically a parent, less honor than others showed their loved ones. So, Rabban Gamliel, the "prince" of the Jewish community of the time, demanded that he be buried in simple white linen, and that this become the custom for everyone. He patterned this clothing after that worn by the High Priest in the Temple on Yom Kippur. If G-d asks the High Priest to enter the Holy of Holies and confront the Divine Presence in simple white linen garments, it seems fitting to do the same when preparing someone to meet their Maker. To this very day, we bury people in a shirt (kittel), pants, belt -- all of plain white linen, if a man, his tallis, and simplified (and ritualized) shoes. No pockets, since you can't take it with you. And the belt isn't knotted, for Kabalistic reasons.

*  Burial is in a wooden casket with no metal, that includes no metal handles or even nails. They are put together with wooden pegs. Actually, Jewish    tradition is to bury the person without a casket unless mandated by local law. 

*  Objects are not put into the casket as we come into this world with nothing and so we leave with nothing. All of us are equal in the world to come.   Men are attired in a Tallis (prayer shawl).  

*  A Shomer, watchman, remains with the body from the time of death through to the burial.     

*  It is a religious privilege and duty to assist in the burial. K’vurah is the custom of placing at least 3 measures of earth into the grave.

*  Once the funeral has concluded, it is customary to say "May the Lord comfort you together with all mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

* Once the funeral is over, all attending ritually wash their hands as they leave the cemetery or before entering the Shiva house.     

*  Shiva begins immediately after the burial and continues for seven days.

*  The Meal of Consolation is the first meal eaten upon return from the cemetery and is prepared by friends.

* Condolences are made at the home of the mourners.  It is a mitzvah to visit a house of mourning during Shiva. We visit to offer friendship and   sympathy to the mourner. 

*   When making a Shiva call, you should:

* Autopsies are not routinely done unless required by law.     

Herman Meyer & Son, PO Box 4052, Louisville, Kentucky 40204 | 502.458.9569 | info@meyerfuneral.com